Faceoff

I forget what I was going to write about here...

I think it had something to do with vaginal secretions... oh, yes, right... It's a debate... tonight a bag full of dicks squares off against a bag full of cum! I'm definitely all about more arguments being sent in by our readers send 'em here!

Arguments for bag of cum: fwod=boc

1. You can slap it across somebodies face and hope it explodes. (water balloon)

2. It's a thirst quencher, quick easy access to electrolytes.
3. If you think about it, this is just a bag full of dead babies.
4. If you're very patient and resourceful you can harvest a bag full of dicks out of it. (assuming the cum is still alive.)
5. no sharp utensils needed to enjoy. (a fork/knife may be needed for a bag of dicks)

Arguments for bag of dicks: fwod=bod

1. assuming this is a functional bag of severed dicks you get all of the benefits of the bag of cum... just not as fast. (elbow grease required... vasoline optional)
2. If you pleasure them, they will grow.
3. no goopy cleanup if spilled.
4. now your slut girlfriend can finally be pleasured by you. (or your gay boyfriend)
5. can be kept neatly in paper or plastic.


Shout out to Adam, Eric, and John for supporting arguments.... let me know if I missed anything fellers.

National Feces Day!

It's the 10th annual National Feces day, A day to make poop jokes, "accidentally" overflow toilets, and shower unsuspecting mouths with the brown pudding that flows from societies collective anus. So "let no poop be left behind" if you waste your poop by simply flushing it down the toilet on this joyous occasion shame on you. Poop on a floor, smear it on the wall get creative!
If your unsure what to do with you droppings, find the nearest SNL member and force them to eat it. Allow them a tasty beverage to wash that poop down. God bless, and let there be a poop rainbow to show that we will never again drown our poop in water.

How to be a dick in three easy steps

By Jeffrey

As a few of you might have picked up from my last few articles , I am a dick.

Being a dick may not seem like something you would like to strive for in life , the reason for this is because you are too fucking stupid to be a dick.

Here are a few tricks that I've picked up whilst being a dick for the last 10 to 20 years.

1. Never Forget Anything.

Remember that time your friend fucked a fat chick? How about that time your cousin tried to cut off his own dick with a butter knife? No?? Well I sure the fuck do and will be sure to mention it at the most inopportune time that you can possibly imagine , during the awkward silence that inevitably happens after I tell your new girlfriend that you shit all over an elementary school playground slide on purpose when you were 16 , I will picture myself riding a horse over your grave and kicking its stomach until it shits all over your tombstone.

2. Subtle Insults. aka the "Does baby Jeff want to go home" step.

This one shouldn't be used on anyone that you know who gives horrible beatings.

The first step to this one is finding out what annoys the victim.

The second step is nonchalantly employing this annoying behavior every five to ten minutes until everyone in the room wonders what the fuck the other person is getting so pissed about.

The third step is to play the victim and act like you have no clue whats going on while garnering sympathy from your fellow empathizing comrades.

The fourth step is jacking off vigorously while thinking about a recent earthquake that killed thousands in India.

3. Make people feel bad about fairly normal human things.
The Christians fucking rule at this one.

Anything that you pretty much know is normal but slightly odd human behavior can be bent and twisted to make insecure people feel like shit.Holy shit dude , you tried to suck your own dick before?? Fucking sick dude , you're probably gay.What the hell? you let a chick mess with your butthole? Goddamn dude , you're seriously fucking gay.Did you just say that chick had a cute face?? Really though , "cute face"? Jesus Christ are you fucking serious with this cute face shit?

These three steps should put you on the one-way train to Dicktown , once you get there you can spend months and years learning how to manipulate and shit all over people with almost no consequences!

God speed you miserable fuckers!

Bonus Anti-Dick advice:
Stop Fucking Caring.
No reaction is dick kryptonite , seriously.

miscarriage

A Haiku By Jeffrey

Is this bloody poop?

It brings out the kid in you

raspberry birthday shake