Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day - Herschel Walker

Well I worked today so my Thanksgiving came a bit later than normal... but I still managed to eat enough food to make me look like a pregnant man... which isn't all that uncommon. The best part of going to turkey day late is I only had to see the family which I don't mind seeing... which gave me the idea of posting a couple holiday memories.

1.) The Holiday Hop - I used to work a warehouse gig a supervisor... and well as you might have expected I'm not all that normal... I wore a Santa hat one Christmas, as did a gal I worked with. I invented the Holiday Hop... which is where her and I would jump up and down to singing some twisted rendition of a holiday song... This came to a stop when the girl realized all the guys only enjoyed this for the Baywatch similarities. I didn't even notice they were probably checking out my jubblys too.

2.) Sibling Rivalry -  My right wing uncle, and my clinically certified crazy mother were having a nice chat... I really only remember my mom wetting herself... and the cops showing up... We wrote about it in the guestbook of the place we stayed at.

3.) Herschel, Herschel, Herschel - The Vikings and the Lions were in a heated battle (probably for last place in the division) And Herschel Walker rattled of a big run... I was in the living room, watching the game, and strokin' my six year old cock... right in front of the whole family... My dad was laughing his ass off... Later he had what I'm sure must've been a thrilling talk about happiness being a warm gun.

Funny Brew - Fwod - Fake Word of Day - RGB

RGB -Are you ready to go on Break? This can be switched up in quite a few ways. Any words beginning with the letters R, G, and B. Every Variation of this means the same thing... Let's ditch this piece of donkey covered shit.

Examples: 

1) Red, Gock, Blood? 

2) Rag, Gunt, Boob? 

3) Rat, Gay, Butt?

or something much more innocent...

Russia, Guam, Bulgaria?

Yeah, it's a good way to ditch a person without them knowing.

Bonus FWODS---

Gock - A fatman's fleshy area between the gut, and the cock,

Gunt - Same thing, except this person should have tits

Funny Brew Haiku - Election Day Haikus

Barack Obama,

Mccain's sore sad faced pooper,

Jerk off on ballots.

Ralph Nader again,

Time to give up old sphincter,

Can't ruin another.

Florida balloting,

Old folks need to be deceased,

Grandpa can't read? Last Breath.

Show Me Your Nature Tits!

----Fwod----

Nature Tits - Nature that is so fuckin' hot you want to rub your schlong in it... Or leave a massive snail trail on it.

<-----Here's an example picture... I've such a raging nature boner right now...This, this is what God motorboats.

Chocolate covered "fuck yous"

Here are the top five ways to shake that unwanted lover before Valentines Day.

5.) Buy a bunch of roses and make a trail of rose petals into your fist.



4.) Have sex with a family member of your unwanted lover... If he or she has no family, have sex with a member of your own family. That should also do the trick.



3.) Use those wonderful three words: "I have AIDS."



2.) Ask him or her to borrow about $1,000... tell them you want to buy them something nice for Valentines Day, but just don't have the money right now.



1.) Make lots of poop jokes, if this doesn't work start using your feces as a prop for the poop jokes.

The Mind of Joffery

above photo is what Jeff would look like if his bod were as sexy as his mind, or something)



Shame Day



A Haiku by Jeffrey

Woke up in my shit

covered in ashes and beer

why do I have wood



A Fun trick

By Jeffrey

Now that we've all been familiarized with Don's famous "Nose Kiss" , I figure we should make a tiny jump higher , so without any further stalling I present:

THE FULL ON PENIS KISS

Step 1 : Take a lengthy nap

If you're like me , this is the most important phase of trick. Hours upon hours of watching porno and listening to midi files really takes its toll on a man , a tranquil nap will keep you energetic and ready to take on the day.

Step 2 : Get the "goods" ready for action

The previous step might've been the most important but this step is definitely the most fun.

Fill a bucket with some crystal clear water from a nearby stream or cascading water fall and dunk your withered member gently into it.

Step 3 : Cash out

With your member now glistening with fresh spring water , run as quick as you can into your kitchen and set up two separate blenders , place both of your hands into the blenders and turn them both on with your newly cleaned and erect penis.

GREAT JOB!

-Joffrey

Funnybrew.com