Chocolate covered "fuck yous"

Here are the top five ways to shake that unwanted lover before Valentines Day.

5.) Buy a bunch of roses and make a trail of rose petals into your fist.



4.) Have sex with a family member of your unwanted lover... If he or she has no family, have sex with a member of your own family. That should also do the trick.



3.) Use those wonderful three words: "I have AIDS."



2.) Ask him or her to borrow about $1,000... tell them you want to buy them something nice for Valentines Day, but just don't have the money right now.



1.) Make lots of poop jokes, if this doesn't work start using your feces as a prop for the poop jokes.